How did I get here? How do I get back?

I let out a frustrated sigh as I struggled to fastened the pants in the dressing room of a fancy department store. I came to the conclusion that I will not be getting into these pants today. I fought back tears as I removed the clothes I tried on in a size I swore I would never get this big to fit. I just purchased a few accessories and went on my way.How did I get here? How do I get back?

Later that evening I looked at myself in the mirror, all the curves, folds and rolls. I asked myself, “How did I get here? How did I get to the point that I needed to lose  50lbs?” Life, life got me here: marriage, two kids,  new  jobs, new cities, stress, celebrations, financial ups and downs, the loss of both of my parents, you know, life.

I used to be small, I mean like super skinny, so over the years I welcomed the weight until I didn’t. The weight didn’t come overnight. It was a gradual process, no more than 5lbs a year. Over 10 years that’s a lot of weight!
So then my question became, how do I get back? How do I get back to where I was in terms of my weight and overall fitness? I realized I can’t go back. Life looks totally different now. The young girl of 10 years ago is gone. She made way for the woman I am today. My life now has a level of complexities that do not vibe with my former self. I’ve tried to lose weight before with little to no success. I tried to change everything in my life at once, that’s simply too overwhelming for me to realistically sustain.

I realized I’ve been asking the wrong question. I should be asking, how do I move forward?  I decided that I’m moving forward by making small changes that I can build upon and stick with. This week, my focus is increasing my water intake. Once I’ve got that down pat, I will move on to something else. So far I’ve somewhat mastered meal planning and meal prep, tracking what I put into my mouth, and finding healthy substitutes for the fatty foods that I love (#greekyogurtisnowbae). The thing I’ve come to realize is that small successes  bring  about the motivation to do better. I now understand that a minor setback does not mean I get to give up and start again on Monday.  I’m moving forward in my journey to becoming a fit mom, one day,  one meal and one step at a time.

The Crew in San Fran
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